Baked Potato Salad

Perfect with a burger and a hotdog and some beans and a sparkler…

Ingredients:

• 4 pounds Red Skinned Potatoes (1 bag, usually)
• 1 small bunch Scallions
• 4 Eggs
• 1 package pre-cooked Bacon (12 pieces)
• 2 stalks Celery
• 1 cup Miracle Whip
• 1 cup Sour Cream
• 3 tablespoons Ranch Dressing
• 1 tablespoon Dijon Mustard
• 1/2 cup shredded Cheddar Cheese
• Salt & Pepper to taste

Directions:

1. Cut the potatoes into smallish cubes – they will cook quicker

2. Give the potatoes a quick rinse to get some of the starch off (the starch causes foam), then boil for 15 – 20 minutes until fork tender

 

3. Hard boil the eggs – about 8 minutes at a rolling boil, then cool, peel, and chop roughly

3. Chop the celery into small pieces

4. Chop the scallions into teensy pieces

5. Chop (or tear) the bacon into chunks – not too small – you want to taste it in the salad

6. In another bowl, mix together the Miracle Whip, Sour Cream, Ranch Dressing, Mustard, Salt & Pepper

7. Drain and rinse the Potatoes, and let them cool (or use ice). Once cool, put them into a large bowl.

8. Add the chopped Scallions, Celery, Bacon, Eggs, toss to mix

9. Add the wet ingredients until it is the consistence you like – depending on your taste you may or may not use all of it

10. Stir in the Cheese

11. Chill before serving

Them!

News from the front…

Yesterday morning I tumbled outta bed and stumbled to the kitchen to be greeted by The Hubby, who had been up for what looked to be hours. It was the 4th day of my 4 day weekend, and I had slept in until 7:30 (a veritable orgy of sleep for me). The Hub looked a tish the worse for wear. Why, asked I?

He recounted to me his morning battle. Upon entering the kitchen that morning he was ambushed by ants (a heretofore absent pest at Chez Chris2fer) who tripped him and then started attacking him as soon as he fell from their trip wires and war scaffolding. Thinking quickly, and realizing that he had the definite size advantage (if not the strength of numbers or passion of the numerous anty war chants) Hub struggled to his feet and started squashing. He squashed like Wellington squashed Napoleon. He squashed like an elephant squashes a mouse. He squashed like middle age squashes your hopes.

Then, he rummaged in the bowels of our undersink and came up with a can of RAID. He started spraying, ant bodies flying everywhere like shrapnel in Saving Private Ryan, and just as gory. The death toll numbered in the dozens. Dozens, I tell you. Even at the time of the story telling, I could hear the soft keening of the ant wives and children wondering when they were going to hear the soft knock on the door to deliver the dreaded telegram of death. Hub staggered up the stairs to shower the scent of war off of his skin.

After he went to work, I went to the Home Depot and emptied it of every kind of ant disposal system that you can buy. I placed traps all around the outside of our house, a kind of chemical force field to keep new ants out. Then, I put them on all our basement windows and ledges. I hid them in the kitchen. (Calm yourself – none are where Grady can get to them.) I sprayed soft clouds of death in all the darkest corners. Our house is a nuclear wasteland for pests.

This morning I woke and ran downstairs to see if all of it had worked. I found  dazed and wobbly ants sadly gasping out their last breath on our kitchen counter, and a couple on the floor. I started swiping them away. I killed many (hopefully less than yesterday) but the battle continues.

Hub is home now, gun on shoulder, killing and waiting.

We shall overcome.

A Twilit Border

A magical fantasy land for ladies, filled with boyfriends who struggle with their need to kill you…

Last night at Borders Sabrina and I were browsing around, ostensibly looking for a specific book for me (Luck In The Shadows by Lynn Flewelling) but really just going where our interest led us.

(Borders is strange – I have been in several, and they all smell the same. But not like books, you know? I mean, libraries always smell of books – papery and a little musty. But Borders smells of plastic wrap and mild distain. Anyway. )

Sabrina was looking for book 1 in the 4 book series MEG, about a giant shark and a child who play together at the aquarium (I’m guessing from the cover). After we bugged a kid working there who showed us where they were (the HORROR section?) Sabrina lost interest and kinda wandered off. And where did she end up? Ah – the Twilight section.

Yes, there is a large boxed off section. Seriously – they have set up several 10 foot tall shelves like a fort. A fort which hold all things Twilight and all things that want to be like Twilight. It is a haven for Twerds (Twilight Nerds (coined by Mary)). Sabrina, of course, started cooing and got a glazed look in her eyes and was drawn in. I took a deep breath and bravely entered.

Within, I was assaulted by the unauthorized autobiography of Robert Pattinson, the picture book of Robert Pattinson, the Twilight Companion book, the Twilight Compendium book, several bookmarks,  posters,  t-shirts, bags, balls, keychains, bangles, bracelets, and yes, they had the dolls.  And one umbrella.

The umbrella was black (of course) and had a picture of Edward and Bella sitting in the forest, in a small glade. Oh, and one of them may have been glittering. (It was not the one with the vagina.) I kind of wanted to buy it, but it was 25 dollars, which is over my limit for impulse buys of irony.

PS – I couldn’t even make it through the first book, and I devour trashy fantasy novels by the fistful. All the women who read it lose their minds, though.  Maybe there is some weird chemical in the ink, and when women touch it it gives them a mild sexual high, but it doesn’t work for guys. Ah ha! I have solved the Twilight conspiracy!

Ipod, Shuffled

The College Edition

Let’s see what the ol’ Ipod random shuffle brings up today, shall we?

1. The Last Night Of The World – Miss Saigon Soundtrack

When I was in college I was dating a wonderful lady (Bec) who sang like an angel. Our friend Luke was, at the time, performing small gigs around the area, kinda acoustic-y and real singer/songwriter stuff. Anyway, for one gig he asked me and my gal to sing this duet. Which we did. At the time? GOLD! Now? Cheese. Total Velveeta. I mean, these lyrics are almost painful…

A song
played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
played on a solo saxophone
It’s telling me
to hold you tight
and dance like it’s the last night of the world

2. I’ve Just Seen Jesus – Sandi Patty and Larnelle Harris

When I was in my third iteration of Summer Ministries (called …A-Name-I-Cannot-Remember-Because-I-Am-Old), Janelle and I SIGNED this song as a “duet”. Yes, I performed sign language along to a recording.  I’m pretty sure, in retrospect, that this was one of the gayest things that has ever been seen. I’m just glad I stopped short of using white gloves.

3. Wild And Untamed Thing – The Rocky Horror Show

The first time I saw this movie was a midnight showing in Boston. I wore a long black cape and eyeliner. Surprisingly, I was one of the more understated ones there that night, not to mention being the most normal one of my little group of Christian college attendees. Sigh. Good times. PS – I was mortified  by the “virgin dance” balloon popping thing.

4. Man Wanted – The Copacabana Musical

During my semester in England I saw this Barry Manilow musical. Yes, you heard right. He wrote a musical. It was all about Lola and Tony and Rico and the Copacabana club and the punches and the shooting and the single gunshot and the fact that music and passion were always the fashion at the Copa. Where she lost her love. It was pretty awesome, in a over the top gay way.

5. The Music Lessons / Phantom Fugue – Phantom, the Musical

No, not by Webber. This was from a show that we did my sophomore year. It was a pretty incredible experience, really. In this song, the cast sings about the Phantom, and I run around and scare them by jumping out of boxes and out from around corners unexpectedly. Here are a few of my favorite lines. A body has just been found…

Carlotta: <Shriek!!!!>

Cholet: Joseph Buquet!

Carlotta: My costume man?

Cholet: She sent him down below!

Inspector Ledoux: Well someone has sent him …Back Up!

…Awesome.

PPS – A big hello to Roni and Pete, who were the quintessential Carlotta and Cholet. Miss you guys!

Musicals and Romantic Comedies

…are gay.

Recently I had the pleasure of watching three things that I wanted to bring to your attention. And yes, two of them are musicals (Martha, commere! He’s being all GAY again!). Oh, hunker down. The real gay comes later.

1. In 1970 Stephen Sondheim brought “Company” to Broadway. It was a vignette musical, centered on the character of Bobby celebrating his 35th birthday, and his many wacky married friends. (I also turned 35 this year. It means something to turn 35… Anyway.) The music is classically Sondheim – a vocal workout, but weirdly lyrical and easily the most singable of his plays. The Hub and I watched a 2006 revival that had the actors also playing the orchestra instruments. It was amazing. Bobby’s story of growing into an adult at 35 is captivating. I recommend. You can Netflix it…

2. Last night I watched “Chess” in concert on Great Performances. It starred Adam Pascal (from Rent), Idina Menzel (from Wicked) and Josh Groban (from the Hub’s fantasies). Are you familiar? It is a musical from the early 80s surrounding the exciting and intrigue filled world of professional chess championships. “Wha?” you say? Yes, I also was confused. But no longer. The music is incredibly lush and full, the lyrics are poignant and witty, and I was surprised by how many songs I already knew. Remember “One Night In Bangkok”? From this musical! It was over the top and wonderful. Now, I am in the market for a full recording. Anyone? Any theater geeks out there who can recommend one?

3. On Friday night Sabrina and I went to El Rayo, and then on to the movies to see The Proposal, starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. I was kinda expecting a tepid romcom, but thank Jebus it was more like Notting Hill than Must Love Dogs. It was sweet and had a great story and it was beautifully shot (I guess in Alaska, but I don’t really know. They could have all been frolicking on green-screen for all I know). It all ended the way that you wanted it to. Plus, you know. The naked. Sandra and Ryan, in one scene, are totally naked and fumbling their way around a room full of their awkwardness. Yowza, that’s all I gots to say. First off, Sandra looks freakin’ hot for 45. Not a bulge, not a wrinkle, nothing. Secondly (and, let’s face it, most importantly) Ryan Reynolds must never eat fat or a carb or nuthing. Boy is cut and fuzzy and perfect. Sigh.

See?

Oh, stop it Ryan. Don’t cry. I’m taken, and that’s all there is to it.