Turn, turn, turn…

I started this blog as a project in discipline. I wanted to challenge myself to write several times a week, and to keep to it for one year. Once I started, I found I really enjoyed it. I found that I liked writing and getting my thoughts down on “paper”. I enjoyed the creative outlet that it afforded me. Now, I am approaching the two year mark and I find that I need a new project. I need something that feels fresh. I need a new discipline. So, as of today, Chris2fer is cancelled.  

Thanks go out to all of my guest stars: Sabrina, Mary, Rob, Coreyander, Mom, Dad, Sister Kristin, Jess & Matt, Matt & Erin, all of my college and childhood friends, and everyone else who made my stories real and funny.

Extra special thanks go out to my puppy Grady for taking the best pictures ever seen on the internet (in my opinion, of course) and to The Hub, for patiently watching me put it all out there for the world to see and sticking by me. Love you.

Finally, thanks to you, the reader. Thank you for caring about what I have to say. Thank you for commenting and reading and being my online friends.

I’ll talk to you soon.

C-

Awww. He cares.

As if there needed to be another reason to love Top Chef, head judge Tom Colicchio gave a statement in his blog about gay marriage. Looks like the gays are gonna love him even more than they already do…

From Tom’s Blog

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say a few words about same-sex marriage:

First of all, part of the problem with the issue is that it is framed by opponents as a discussion of whether gay people should get special rights. This is specious – yes, special legislation or court decisions grant them the right to wed in a particular state, however this is done to ensure that they share equal protection under the law by finally being able to avail themselves of the same rights as everyone else.  They are not seeking special treatment, just equitable treatment.

Second, religion has no business being part of the discussion. When a couple is wed in a house of worship, the officiant may be performing a religious rite, but as far as the law is concerned, that officiant has been authorized to perform a civil function, plain and simple. And even were same-sex marriage to be legalized by the state, no one would be holding a gun to the heads of the clergy to require them to perform a ceremony that their faith or personal creed does not condone.  Just as some rabbis would not perform my marriage to my wife because I wasn’t Jewish, clergy can decline performing same-sex marriages; gay couples can either find clergy willing to officiate or can be wed in a civil setting.

The idea that religious leaders are continuing to shape state law is just wrong. The institution of marriage should be available to all. The idea that you can have a life-long partner and not make decisions for them in a hospital, not share in insurance benefits, not automatically have parental rights unless you are the birth parent, is just flat-out wrong.”

I did it my way…

1. I’m in a class called the Leadership In Life Institute (Lili). For our next session I have to write my own eulogy as delivered by a loved one. I picked the Hub, of course. It is not difficult for me to write my own eulogy (I have examined my life in depth, ad nauseam) but I am finding it hard not to cry while writing it. Do you think it’s hubris or just the fact that I am writing about the death of someone VERY dear to me?

2. This morning when I got out of bed the house was a little chilly. It felt WONDERFUL.

3. Does anyone else love to mow the lawn? When I was a kid it was my job to cut the grass. We lived on a large piece of land, so it took me several hours. After the initial whining I found that I really enjoyed the time spent not being able to hear anything but my own thoughts while slowly walking over every inch of our property. I still get this feeling today. Zen, maybe?

4. This weekend we celebrate two milestones in Sabrina’s life – her birthday and the fact that she is closing on her new condo. So, congrats to Sabs for making it to 36, and congrats on finding a bigger place that is closer to me! Love ya. Next up – the decorating!

5. Last night Jess stopped by because she needed a cup of coffee for a marinade. Then, a half hour later I stopped by their house for an onion. Recently I have used a snake from Matt and Erin’s house and used Matt (of Jess &) for intellectual labor. It’s like we live in a commune.  

6. I am recording a version of “My Life” to play after the reading of my Eulogy. It is Il Divo’s version (A Mi Manera). If you haven’t heard it, click here). It’s beautiful. I printed out the words, as I am singing it in English. Again, I cried my way through it. Sheesh.

Whitney? Is that you? OMG, it is! Hey girl!

Whitney is streaming her WHOLE ALBUM on her website now. Read on to find out if it delivers…

1. Million Dollar Bill
Uptempo late 80’s R&B. Needless to say, I love it. Written by Alicia Keys. And let’s get this out of the way – her voice is older. She’s 46. She’s been through alot of crap. The drugs probably didn’t help. But once you get past your memory of her voice, she sounds really good. Better than many on the radio now, at any rate.

2. Nothin’ But Love
Uptempo club thumper. Deep base line with Whitney singing over it. She’s talking about the “haters”, which she’s done before, but this time she has nothing but love for them. She’s letting go of the pain. Let it go, Whit. Let it go.

3. Call You Tonight
This is almost a country song – listen to the twang at the beginning. Her voice sounds great on this track. Mid-tempo. This will make a great remix…

4. I Look To You
The title song and the first ballad on the album. It starts with a piano and “strings”. It’s very reminiscent of I Will Always Love You (except 2 octaves lower). The words are strangely moving. I wanted it to build and build to a crescendo, and it starts to, but then it kind of just drops off. It may grow on me.

5. Like I Never Left
Akon and Whitney. This sound like it was a hidden track on “My Love Is Your Love”. This is a duet, and Akon sounds good. This is an uptempo “island track”.

6. A Song For You
This is one of my favorite songs of all time (here’s the Karen Carpenter version if you’ve never heard it), and to her credit Whitney doesn’t try to out-ballad Ms. Carpenter. It starts with just Whitney’s voice and a piano, but then (wisely) breaks into a full dance stomp. So far, this is my favorite track. Woohoo!

7. I Didn’t Know My Own Strength
The second ballad, and the better of the two. This was written by Diane Warren, so that’s no real surprise. In “I Look To You”, Whit looked to us for strength. In this one, she finds her own. She sounds gorgeous on this track, if a little breathy.

8. Worth It
This is a nice fusion of hip-hop and R&B. It has a nice back beat, and Whit sounds good. It’s about being in a long term relationship, and never giving up on it. That it’s worth it. Nice slow jam.

9. For The Lovers
Whitney’s singing through the vocoder on this one, but not to a Cher “Believe” point. This will be a hit at the club. It has a strong and catchy melody. You’ll find this one stuck in your head all day. Throw your hands up!

10. I Got You
Kanye and Whitney. She starts with a beautiful high note – I’m surprised she has it in her, to be honest. This is basically a re-worked “I Got You Babe”. The sentiment is the same. No matter where you are, you got me. Nice thick chorus.

11. Salute
This was written by R Kelly, which I will try to ignore. Handclaps and deep bass all under a message about breaking up. Hmmm. She is tired of crying. She is stronger than you. She is better than you. She salutes you. Hmmm. I wonder who this is about? (hint: Baaaahhhhhbbbbyyyy!)

This is exactly what I wanted from a new Whitney album. She sounds better than I expected, the songs are radio friendly and singable, and slickly produced. Way to go, Whitney. Excellent job. Welcome back.

Ooo, Snarky…

The new season of Project Runway has started, finally. After a swell appetizer with the All Star Challenge, we finally got to the main meal. Here are the designers from Season 6, and some thoughts…

Hello, Crazy! Ari doesn’t like to sketch a design, she just stands on her head in order to get her thoughts moving. Me thinks Ari needs heavy meds. Designers are supposed to be eccentric, not legally insane.

Hello Suave. I delight in calling him “rrrRaah-Mahn”. He is fabulous.

Bobby McFerrin. Right?

She said that if you gave her a sheep she could make you a sweater. I think we have a new challenge, designers!

Johnny got himself off drugs = good.

Johnny uses that anecdote to get out of doing work and hog the spotlight and cry. A lot. = bad.

He’s “Straight”. <snerk>. Oh, me too…

I mean, with that name, could she have any other hair cut? She reminds me a little of Edna Mode from the Incredibles…

Malvin needs to pick a prettier Drag Queen name. I mean, Malvin? How about… Varicose. Varicose Vien.

I loved his nekkid flowy dress that he sent down the runway after a snafu with his model’s expected size. Really. Give me a flowy gown any day…

He looks like a Nicolas Putvinski.

She’s Jackee! But with terrible taste.

These folks made no impression on me. Come on, people! Who am I gonna rip on?

Loved this. Shoulda won.

Hated it. Looks like droopy boobs.

Ari’s losing design. Bye Ari! Take your crazy and peddle it elsewhere.

The winning deign, by Christopher. I actually agreed with the guest judge, Lindsay Lohan – One less ruffle at the bottom and it would have been perfect.

Imagine me, agreeing with Lohan!

PS – Thanks to Arianna Huffington for the pictures!

They Made It Work, but the picked the wrong winner…

It has been 10 months since we saw any ProRun. TEN MONTHS. Do you know how long that is in fashion time? 15 years. That’s right, fashion time is 18 months to every one month of real time. You do the math. Yowza. That is too long to wait for some Tim Gunn.

I love this premise – bring back the biggest and best from previous seasons for a refresher course on why we watch this show. And the reason, Darlings? A mixture of crazy good fashion, crazy bad fashion, and bat-crap crazy designers.

Hello Daniel! Hi Korto! Hi Sweet P and Uli! Hello Chris, my favorite! And oh yeah, hi Jeffrey and Michael. Glad you could make it. Oh, crap. Who let Santino in? Sigh.

Let’s get this out of the way. I think that we can all agree that Santino was high on something the whole time. He was the most annoying thing about the show. Shut. Up. Stop talking and laughing and making an ass of yourself. No one likes you. And your clothes suck. Even Diane Von Furstenburg said that they were “vulgar”. I know this is harsh, and I understand if it hurts your feelings. Here’s a conciliatory hug:  <HUG> …Moving on.

Tim Gunn was there in all his perfection. He looked impeccable in a suit (of course) and he said all of his signature phrases (of course) and he was just a perfect conglomeration of teacher and friend and guidance councilor and snarky queen (of course).  I want to have lunch with Tim. Hey Tim! Call me! We can have lunch in fabulous Portland, Maine and gossip about the contestants and giggle at the clothes and chuckle about how Michael Kors is supposedly a “top American designer”.

So, the designers had to create 3 (no – surprise! 4) looks in 3 days. There was the usual crying about time and fabrics and “oops I broke the surger” and “can I borrow that leather? No? Well then you suck” going on. But everyone turned it out. The designs were finished and it was a surprisingly solid collection.

I have to say that I did not agree with the judges about Sweet P’s stuff. I thought that they would rip her apart about all the silly flowers stuck here and there all over her dresses. And her Red Carpet Look was just a summer afternoon casual church picnic kinda dress. They surprised me with their praise. Even the stalactite Nina Garcia liked it. But really? Come on.

I loved Chris Marsh’s collection. I thought that it was grown up and artful and classy and fun. I loved that he used the same fabric throughout the collection – it tied it together like no one else’s. Also – he showed a little of his costume designer-ness, and I live for that. “Give me a full ballerina skirt and a hint of saloon and I’m on board.” (quick – name that movie). He was my pick for the winner.

However, Daniel won with a surprisingly activewear-ish collection. His wasn’t the collection that I would have selected to win, but I guess that is why I am not a “top American designer”. All of the judges peed themselves over his red carpet outfit. What do you think? Should he have won?

Of course, this was a perfect primer for the actual start of  Season 6. Yay!

 
Click “Vote For My Dog Now!!” pretty please! I want to win a million dollars in prizes!

And Evil Rob!

On Thursday night last week Sabrina and I were going out for some Italian food and decided to stop in at Stella the puppy’s house to visit. Oh, Mary and Rob live there, too. Woops! Got to remember – people first, people first!

Our quick five minute visit to just say “hi” turned into a couple hours of conversation and laughter – isn’t it amazing how that happens with good friends? Mary threw some yummy egg rolls into the oven when we called to alert her of our dropping by. I am convinced that she is secretly Martha Stewart in disguise. I mean, who does that? She’s my hostess idol. Whenever we happen to drop in she always has adult drinks and food for us. It’s like the greatest homeless shelter ever.

Rob the Republican has been busy, too. He grew a goatee. Which, as a proud owner of a fabulous goat myself, I can appreciate, but when it is something new on a previously clean face I instantly thought that he was up to no good. “Hello, Rob”, I said, “or should I call you Rob’s EVIL TWIN?” Dun Dun Dun…

I love that my friends live close by. I love dropping in for puppy kisses and good conversation and hugs and inappropriate jokes. But most of all, I love appetizers and boozy drinks. Priorities, people.

Go visit Stella! She’s in my links, right there —->

Packy Packerson

Sabrina is moving. Thankfully, she is only moving a couple of towns over, but the fact that she is moving is a big deal. A BIG DEAL. She has lived in her teensy (but cute!) condo for 9 years. But since she is a grown up now, she needed to get a place that had a kitchen that you could actually have two people standing in at the same time (shocking!), a bathroom that was not 2 feet from the TV area (What was that noise? …Oh), and more than one bedroom (I would LOVE to sleep on the couch in your living room, thanks!). And find one she did. Which I will tell you about. At another time.

This blog will be dedicated to chronicling the story of helping her pack. The Hub and I graciously and without thought of payback offered to help Sabs out for a few hours on Saturday. Now, Sabrina is a no frills kinda gal. If, by no frills, you realize that I do not mean that she does without anything that she wants. No. I mean no frills – if she doesn’t want to spend money on it, then she will gladly do without. Like, for instance, air conditioning.

Saturday dawned bright and cheery. And 90 degrees. Since the Hub and I do not share Sabrina’s fear of air conditioning, we have 4 of them. And since we are givers (did not want to work in un-air conditioned squalor) we gave her one of ours. We installed it in her living room and told her that the upstairs was her responsibility.

Sabrina’s Mom, Marsha (Marsha Marsha Marsha!) (…sorry) was also helping out. She bravely went upstairs to tackle the bedroom with Sabs. They would occasionally stumble down, dripping with sweat, gasping from breathing the humid fishbowl like air, blinking through a thick haze of haze and moaning about the heat. Hub and I were slightly sweating. Slightly. Which is more than I want to do unless I am actively exercising. I have been informed that this makes me a wuss. To which I say, Pbbbbbbt (that is the sound of a raspberry).

Due to the fact that Sabrina did not grow up with any air conditioners (her parents thought that being hot and uncomfortable built character) she understandably did not know the rules of running an air conditioner. Like, for instance, not to go into the un-air conditioned hallway and leave the door wide open. Or how not to stack boxes in front of the AC. Luckily I was there to inform her of the rules. She was very appreciative. As you can imagine.

Truthfully, we all got a lot done and she’s in good shape for the movers. And, she has a relatively new air conditioner to bring to her new bigger, better condo. She will thank me, I’m sure, once she realizes the joy of sleeping in comfort.

Ha! Seriously, she won’t even hook it up.

Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation.  For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.  ~Albert Einstein

The Hub’s grandfather was a person of some importance in Southern Maryland. He was a well known and influential politician, and so when he passed away I naturally assumed that his funeral would be large and impressive. I simply had no idea how right I was.

The first day of the services was called “Prayers”. Now, I was not raised Catholic, so this seemed a little strange to me. I guess it correlates to a wake. Granddaddy had decided that he wanted all of his services at the Catholic Church of which he was a member. It is a beautiful church in the round, with the podium in the center. And thank the blessed Mary to whom we prayed, it was air conditioned. We all gathered there an hour before the rest of the mourners were to arrive in order to say our goodbyes. And then the whole of Southern Maryland trouped in to pay their respects.

I guess the strange part for me was that the family (“The Family”) had to stand in the front pew and greet everyone after they had walked by Granddaddy. Poor Grandma – standing for 5 hours greeting people must have been tough on her. But she’s a tough Southern Woman – she never showed any strain. She reminds me of a perfectly coiffed (slightly older) Scarlet O’Hara. As God is her witness, no one goes hungry in her presence.

Granddaddy was a Knight of Columbus, so he had an honor guard standing beside him the whole time. Two men, dressed in giant feather plumed hats and capes and brandishing swords stood nearby, changing out every 15 minutes. It reminded me of British royalty.

When we actually got to the prayers section, the Knights all gathered in the front of the church and lead us in a full rosary. A FULL ROSARY. Do you even know what that is? I will tell all the non-Catholics out there. They say a prayer for every bead on that necklace full of beads. They work their way around it. After 20 minutes it was almost a Gregorian chant – everyone saying the same couple prayers over and over again. I have to admit, it left me feeling strangely peaceful.

After the actual prayers I turned around and noticed that there were more people in line to pay their respects. They were queuing up like Disneyland. I began to realize what Granddaddy had meant to the people of the county. He was a kind soul who cared for those less fortunate. He made it his goal to be of service to others. He genuinely cared for people. It dawned on me that we had lost a great man, and I am not ashamed to say that I cried for that loss.

Monday: The Funeral.