Masonic Secrets… REVEALED!

Oh, not really. This isn’t Scooby Doo… 

Last week Sabrina and Zee Zee and I joined Mary and Rob for Rob’s installation as the grand poo-bah of our local Portland Masons (triangle lodge). I had always wondered about the Masons, and their secret society, so of course I was excited to go to their secret hide-out. I mean headquarters.

Sabs and Zee and I drove in together, and after we said the password to get in the door and put on our blood stained robes, we were invited in.

I’m totally kidding. We were invited in by a very nice man dressed in a tuxedo. We mingled with lots of wonderful, kind people all night long. Come to discover that the Masons are a group of people who just want to make the world a better place. I can get behind that. Figuratively, people.

Rob gave us a tour of the Masonic lodge first. It is impressive, to say the least. Look at some of the painting that is just adorning the walls and ceilings, practically hidden in the dim light…


We had a roast beast dinner in the basement. It reminded me of an old church basement. There were no secret passageways or anything. The meal was pretty good, actually. The funny part was that they gave us butter knives to cut the beast with. Old butter knives, without a hint of an edge. It made me happy inside to watch everyone shaking the heck out of their tables, practically synchronized in their zeal to cut just one bite. Plus, they gave us a little cranberry juice in a Dixie cup. It was sweet, like a dinner my Nannie would make.

The ceremony itself was held in this amazing grand hall…

They have this wonderful pipe organ, but instead of using it they used a little upright number plunked off to the side. It was a little disappointing, ’cause I wanted to hear some ol’ Mason going crazy on the organ, like the Phantom. Sing for me, my angel of music! Ah-hem.

The ceremony itself was strangely moving. They brought everyone in to the sound of a be-kilted bagpiper (who had pretty amazing calf muscles for an elderly gentleman. Not that I noticed). Rob was the first to be installed. They described his position, and what he would be required to do, and then he took a solemn vow before all assembled and took his seat in his throne. I’m not kidding.

After the rest of the men had been installed, Rob stood to thank everyone who had helped him along the way. He also brought Mary to the front of the hall and thanked her for her understanding, for being a wonderful wife, and for sharing him with the masons. I shed a little tear with that. It was touching.

So, I didn’t stumble into a secret rotating bookshelf, or trip into a hidden room, or touch a statue that then opened a secret wall. Dan Brown lied. But that’s ok. I was able to take a small part in a good friend’s very important day, and I guess that’s more important.

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2 Responses to Masonic Secrets… REVEALED!

  1. geya says:

    They let you see what they want you to see but now that you have revealed the pictures of the society you are a wanted man…and not in a good way.

  2. Andrei says:

    Actually, no. Masons are far more intelligent then that. That’s why I admire them so much.

    From my knowledge, there are three types of masons. Lower, medium and advanced.
    They let you take photos and talk about them, but you will only see/hear whatever they want you to see/hear.
    This is NOT paranoia. And I really do hope that one day I’ll be one of them

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