The Top 12 boys.
Well, it has begun again. The season we all knew was coming has come, and it is here, and it will be, no, it must be blogged. Hello, our top 12 guys!
1. David Hernandez. 24 Years old. Sang “In the Midnight Hour”.
It was fine. He sounded fine. He looks like Mark Anthony, but he sounds fine. BRAAAAAIIINNNSSS.
2. Chikezie Eze. 22 years old. Sang” I’ll Love You More Today Than Yesterday”.
He was BORING. But, he has a Barry White thing going on. “We definitely got our thing together don’t we baby.” Too bad about the orange leisure suit. Definitely a plus with the name, though. Chikeezy Easy. Nice.
3. David Cook. 25 years old. Sang “Happy Together”.
What a tool. Doesn’t he look like a tool? Like, the next words out of his mouth are going to be “Dude. Heh heh heh. Duude.” He “rocked out” on the song. No. Go home.
4. Jason Yeager. 28 years old. Sang “Moon River”.
He sang it well, too. Except that he sang it as a Disney character. He was so polished that he gleamed. Ah, well. I can show you the world. Take you wonder by wonder. I secretly love him. I have a weakness for Stepford perfection.
5. Robbie Carrico. 26 years old. Sang “One (Is the Loneliest Number).
He sounded good. He has a nice voice, a little harsh, but it works. He wore a bandana on his head, though. No. On the plus side, he kinda wore tassels. Yes.
6. David Archuleta. 17 years old. Sang “Shop Around”.
Yeah, he’s so gonna win. He’s cute and young and smiley and he can sing like a 45 year old gospel star. It’s a little twinky, but it works.
7. Danny Noriega. 18 years old. Sang “Jailhouse Rock”.
He has an amazing voice. I just wonder if America will embrace the young, gay and proud vibe that he sends out. He’s swishy, and I love it.
8. Luke Menard. 29 years old. Sang “Everybody’s Talkin”.
He has a sweet voice, high and thin. Kinda forgettable. He’s attractive, though. Like a soap star. You know he’s the one that Ryan is crushing on this season. Nice sideburns there, Luke Perry.
9. Colton Berry. 18 years old. Sang “Suspicious Minds”.
I didn’t like him. I hate his hair and his look. He looks creepy. He didn’t sing well, and I want him gone. Bye bye bye! Take your hair products and go.
10. Garret Haley. 17 years old. Sang “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do”.
Eh. I can’t remember his singing, so it can’t have been that good. Or that bad, I guess. Another bad hair guy. Ick. You’re too young to pull that hair band crap. Plus, eat a donut!
11. Jason Castro. 20 years old. Sang “Daydream”.
He sang well. He has beautiful eyes. He has terrible hair. Plus, the next time you watch him sing, think of John Travolta. He looks and acts just like him. Except with the hair, he looks like him in Battlefield Earth. Not good.
12. Michael Johns. 29 years old. Sang “Light My Fire”. Come on, Michael. You’re not 29. I’ll accept 35, minimum. Nice scarf there, Steven Tyler. He was good, but not as good as everyone would leave you to think.
Some of my favorite unfortunate pix from the night: