Remember waking up at the ass crack of dawn on Saturday morning to watch all the awesome cartoons? My sister and I would be in front of the tv by 6am, and not move for anything but cereal until Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom came on. Then we had to do chores, ’cause my mother was afraid of us turning into lazy slobs. As if. Her favorite words were “go out and play”.
So, here are my favorite 80’s cartoons, of all time, bum bum bum! They are in ascending order, from my least favorite (but still better than all the other crap on tv at the time… Kissyfur, anyone?) to my most favorite, if you put it in the DVD player I will sit for hours, bestest cartoon of the 80’s ever.
10. Beverly Hills Teens
This was, like, a total precursor to Beverly Hills, 90210, dude. A bunch of rich kids get into shenanigans while tooling around in their limos. And the lead gal is named Larke, and her boyfriend is Troy, and the bitch girl is Bianca. Aren’t those perfect eighties names for rich kids? This rocked. And the theme song rocked, too.
You can listen to the theme song here: Beverly Hills Teens
A family is injured, or something, and they all get special bionic powers that they use to fight the evil forces of Scarab! They all had rings that they shove into their wrists while simultaneously shouting “Bionics, On!”. The father was superstrong, and the mother was psychic, and one son was sporty and had a bionic baseball bat (yes) and another (racially diverse) son was supersmart, and yet another “Benetton” son had bionic karate moves. The daughter could run fast. She got the short end of the bionic powers, if you ask me. You need a soda? Holdonhereitis!
8. Drak Pack
Most people don’t even remember this, but it was about the sons of the classic monsters. There was Frankie, the son of Frankenstein, and Howler, the son of the wolfman, and Drak, the grandson of Dracula. My friends and I would play this outside, and I always insisted on playing Drak. Hello – cape!
7. Count Duckula
A family of vampire duck exist, but they have all been wiped out by vampire duck hunters! When a bumbling servant adds ketchup to the reincarnation spell instead of blood, Count Duckula is born. He’s a vegetarian, you see. In a castle that can teleport. Yeah, it was British. But Awesome. And the theme song was a disco song with a guy yelling DUCKULA over and over again. Awesome x2.
Theme song: Duckula Theme
6. Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears
The animation was excellent, the story lines were well thought out, there was continuity from episode to episode, but the best thing about this was the theme song. Gummi Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere! High adventure that’s beyond compare! They are the Gummi Bears.
Theme song: Gummi bears theme
Come on. He’s the best of all worlds. A sexy nerd in times of peace, and a hot harness wearing leather daddy when he turns on the heat. By the power of Greyskull, indeed.
Sure, There’s Liono and Panthro and Cheetara and all the other kitty-people. The reason I watched and loved this show was for Mum-Ra, The Ever Living. He was a grumpy old man in tattered rags who transformed (“Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed form to Mum-Ra, the Everliving!”) into Mum-Ra, a juiced up grey Egyptian god who in reality would have been serving Liono soup after their first fight. Whatever. The triumph of good over evil blah blah blah. Also, I found this online. Hee!
3. Spiderman And His Amazing Friends
How awesome was this show? Spiderman, Firestar and Iceman team up to fight baddies. They had a secret computer in their living room that hid behind a wall. They met up with the X-Men. They fought Dracula, for Jebus-sake. They also had great transformation scenes…Firestar would burn off all her street clothes to reveal her costume, and Iceman would encase himself in a block of ice, breaking out of his street clothes. Spiderman would… sneak off to change clothes around the corner? Yeah. His transformations sucked.
I had a real problem deciding between this and number 1, which one I would favor. The only reason this isn’t number one is because, at heart, it is a soap opera. But come one, how can you not love it? Jerrica Benton, boring blonde nerd, becomes Jem, the pink haired badass rock star by the power of her holographic supercomputer Synergy and two star earrings. And she sings soft rock songs three times an episode! And she leads Rio on in both her forms. Cartoon gold.
1. Dungeons and Dragons
A group of kids get stuck in a mystical dimension and they all gain powerful weapons to fight the evil Venger, with the aid of the tiny dungeon master and their baby unicorn, Uni. Sure, the weapons were cool – the energy bow, the invisibility cloak, the magicians hat, the force field shield, the javelin (ok, that one sucked) and the super strong club. But the bad guy Venger was the best. He was supremely evil, all while wearing a long skirt and with only one horn on his head. And he was a sorcerer. And he had a shadow demon as a toady. Rock on, Venger. As an aside, this show cause tons of kids to become witches and Satan worshipers, if you believe what the church was saying at the time. Edgy!
Well? What do you guys think? What were your favorite 80’s cartoons?
The next ten: 11 – 20