Everytime I look at you I don’t understand, blah blah bloo bloo blee blee bloo bah bibitty boo
Ah, Andrew Lloyd Webber week. What other contemporary composer has his finger on the pulse of youth like Mr. Webber? I mean, just look at him. He’s hip, happening, and he knows what’s going on. What’s going down. He’s… he’s… Oh, I can’t do this. He’s so out of touch. I don’t understand why they did this week, other than Ryan Seacrest’s probable love of showtunes. Although A.L.W. did have a few pretty fabulous zingers…
Syesha Mercado sang “One Rock and Roll Too Many” from that most famous show… Starlight Express. Huh? Isn’t that the show about trains, with people on rollerskates? Yes, yes it is. How very Xanadu of Sayesha. However, aside from her demented choice of song, she really did great. She strutted and sexed up the stage, making Ryan question his (homo)sexuality. Her voice sounded perfect.
Jason Castro sang “Memory”. Sigh. Why must the stupid guy speak? Just be pretty, blue eyes. He said “I didn’t even know a cat sang this song”. Yes, how strange, from a musical called Cats. So, this week Twitchy took a power ballad and watered it down to his whispery most boring. People. He cannot sing. Stop voting for him just because he presents his crotch to you when singing. Just stop it.
Brooke White sang “You Must Love Me”. Twice! She started, and screwed up the words, and asked them to stop and start again. It was kinda shocking. Then, she was all flustered throughout the whole song. Yeah – don’t stop singing. We all know you blew the words. Just make them up. “You must rub me” or something. A.L.W. said his best line about Brooke – “I believe that this girl has no idea what she is singing about”. Ok – maybe Webber does know what’s going on.
David Archuletta sang “Think of Me” from Phantom of the Opera. But not in that Christine kinda way, showing off his voice with a full backing orchestra, no. He sang it like it was an 80’s cheesy love song. Ick. I tried to get the Hub to hear the nasty rasping that David does, but Hub didn’t really seem to be as disgusted by it that I am. Maybe I love and hate this kid because he had a better voice than I do.
Carly Smithson sang “Jesus Christ Superstar”. I though she did very well, aside from screwing up almost every word that came out of her mouth. Anyone who knows that song (like me) must have been horrified. But really – who knows that song like me? Yeah – no one. So, she yelled and strutted and it came off fine.
David Cook sang “Music of the Night”. I hated it. But, I have to say that I was impressed by the final note. Ok, ok. Yes – he has weird bangs, and yes, you could show a movie on his forehead, and yes, he uses too much hair product in a lame attempt to give himself some personality. What? No – that’s the whole thought. I just wanted to point those things out.
So, Brooke should go home. She was a trainwreck that you can’t take your eyes off of, that involved two burning trains hitting head on and had multiple bodies being thrown about by the impact. It was almost so terrible that it circled around to being good again.
Proof that David Archuletta is a member of the undead. Look at his fangs! And his hair! That explains it all.
Sayesha should have won simply because of the spit curls on the side of her head. Good job, hair person!
Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh. Cissero. …Lipschitz.
I am so sorry that I suck.
I’m so funny! Now to touch myself in front of millions of viewers…
PS – CARLY went home? Carly? I guess as long as you are needy America will vote for you. Lucky for you, Brooke.