Hints from Chris2fer

Remember “Hints from Heloise”? When I was younger I thought it was pronounced Heh-loi-ss. It’s actually pronounced Hel-oh-ees. Who knew?

When the Hubby and I went to see the piano in Limington we noticed that although it sounded great and was a great price, it had a couple nicks and scratches on it. And one very large water mark. But, the price really was phenomenal, so we bought it and I logged on to the web to find out if there were ways, short of refinishing the whole top, to fix this. And I found one.

The water mark. Now, don’t be dirty. I can feel you thinking it from over here.

I remember when I was a kid that we had this old pine coffee table that you could scratch just by glancing at it. One night my mother got out the mayonnaise and spread it thickly all over the table. I wondered if she knew what she was doing, or if the inevitable had happened, and she had finally gone crazy because she had to deal with my teenage sister. It turns out that Mom is some sort of a witch, cause when she wiped the mayonnaise off the next morning, all of the scratches were gone.

Well, lo and behold, on some furniture care website (there’s websites for everything, I swear) I found that mayonnaise works to remove water marks, too. So, I got out the Hellmann’s and spread it on the offending mark.

Not just for tuna salad anymore.

I used a hair dryer to dry it, and waited about 15 minutes. Then, I wiped it off. And it worked, a little…

So, I went back to the web and read some more. Apparently, if you mix ashes with the mayonnaise it will help to draw out the mark. Whatever. I am ready to try anything.

The Hub and I don’t have a woodstove or a fire pit or anything, so I got some junk mail and burned it in a bowl on our porch, then mixed the remaining ashes with the mayonnaise, making a grey paste.


And hey – who knew? The magical witchiness must run in my family, cause you can only barely see the watermark at all.

And look at how it polishes the wood! I will be spreading mayonnaise on everything from now on. EVERYTHING.

And just for comparison… 


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4 Responses to Hints from Chris2fer

  1. M says:

    Mayo on everything? I’ll remember that next time I’m over…before I sit down on anything.

    Nicely done Mr. Warlock!!! Who knew mayonnaise was so magical????

  2. EdG says:

    What you are really doing is a very light polishing of the surface. Cigarette/cigar ashes mixed with a little mineral oil (the stuff you buy in a pharmacy as a laxative!) is less messy than mayo. And if you really want the stuff that restorers use, go to Rockler over near the mall – they have fine rubbing/polishing compunds that will also do the trick. And there are many other finishing tricks – email if you have other finishing problems – I do a lot of this restoring furniture for family and friends.

  3. Darling Nikki says:

    It’s a Mayo Miracle!

  4. Sabrina says:

    WOW! I am very impressed!

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