Spoilers abound. Be warned.
Last Friday night I was camped out at the local theater to get good seats. Good seats for what, you ask? Why, only the most highly anticipated straight-girl and homosexual-boy movie extravaganza to come down the pike since Dreamgirls. It was Sex and the City, the Movie, naturally. Heretofore known as SATCtM. Satcatam.
Hubby and I sat on either side of five seats, glaring our fiercest glares and hissing our breathiest hisses at the ladies who were trying to score our seats. That’s right, girls – move on. We are gay and we aren’t afraid to slap. We were saving for Sister Kristin, Sabrina, Mary, ZeeZee, and Mary’s friend Jo. (No, not Jo from Facts of Life, although that would have ROCKED.)
Finally, the movie started. Bum bum bum bum, bum bum, bum bum biddium bum bum – they updated the theme music! Of course. And speaking of music – Jennifer Hudson sang a new song called “All Dressed In Love”, and you have to go find it on Itunes or Amazon or something. Its all hand clappin’ and 80’s beats and Jennifer screaming about love. Awesome.
It was interesting to find that the girls really hadn’t moved on since we last saw them, five years ago. But they moved on in this movie, that’s for sure. Some bitchy thoughts:
I love Carrie, you know I do, but the hell? What was on her head in the wedding scene? A bird? No. Do not staple taxidermy to your head for a formal event (or any event, for that matter). Her dream gown also didn’t fit across her boobies. It was for a bigger gal, let me tell you. You could count all Sarah’s ribs when she bent over. But, all of her fashion ick was to be expected.
What was not to be expected was her continual acceptance of Big. As she said in the movie, she is an emotional cutter (Me too! Me too!). When he left her at the alter, that should have been the last and greatest betrayal, never to call or speak or anything ever again. I totally wanted Aiden to show up, announce that he had divorced his wife and that his child had died or something less horrible and that he wanted to get back with Carrie. But no. She married the Shmuck.
Have you noticed that Miranda is the only one of our core gals that looks better and better every season? She was luminescent in this movie – slender and glowy and just beautiful. Except for her crotch hair. Ick. I mean, come on. If one of your friends was Samantha Jones, and you knew that there was the slimmest possibility that she would see your unkemptness, wouldn’t you trim that up? You know Samantha wouldn’t let that go.
Also – I feel for poor Steve. He’s the nicest guy ever! He just needed some loving, which you weren’t providing! Poor sad Steve. You can come over to my house, Steve. I’ll cuddle. It’s not cheating if it’s with a guy, right?
Thank god Samantha wised up and dumped her man. Sam in a long term relationship is wrong, wrong, wrong. She should be out slutting it up, not home cooking. On the plus side, she did get to see her neighbor naked and showering. And his PEEN! Yowza.
Also – kudos to Kim Cattrall. She looks good for however old she is. She’s ready and willing to take it off, and she should. Girl works out.
Charlotte has nice abs, and a good husband, and a perfect little life. And a little asian girl. Who she brings everywhere with her. Why was the little asian girl at the bachelorette party? Spend some of that money you divorced and married into and get a freaking baby-sitter. Poor little asian girl has to listen to Samantha’s mouth. And look at Carrie’s hats. And Miranda’s pubes.
On the plus side, Charlotte did poop her pants, which somehow makes her much much cooler than she ever has been.
The movie made me laugh and it made me cry and it made me happy and it made me angry. I loved it, and would see it again in a heartbeat.
Anyone up for a repeat viewing?