Project Runway 5.1

Ready? Ok – “Make It Work”. Wow. That felt good.

It was a much shorter wait this time, but it was still an exciting event. Yes, last night… I’m trying to compose myself… last night… was the premier of… Oh, God… PROJECT RUNWAY! Yell with me! Yaaaaayyyy!

And here are my bitchy comments on the 453 designers of this season. Prepare for meanness.

 Jerell Scott, 28 – Iman in a hat.

 Blayne Walsh, 23 – Blond Christian Siriano. Loves to tan. Nice character development there, Blayne. That’ll get you far.

 Joe Faris, 41 – He must be straight. Looks like he just smelled a fart.

 Stella Zotis, 42 – Cher’s older sister. Designs for rock stars. Leather and…

 Jennifer Deiderich, 27 – Lace. Also: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee.

 Kelli Martin, 27 – Do I make a joke about 90210? Or about her bad eye makeup?

 Terri Stevens, 39 – Donna Summer in a Catwoman suit.

 Jerry Tam, 32 – Asian Mr. Potato Head. Good thing he said that he was doing very well as a designer, since this show wont be a stepping stone for Jerry. Bye Jerry!

 Suede, 37 – At 37 you should not be wearing clam diggers and blue hair. Stop it. Also – don’t refer to yourself as Suede. Just don’t.

 Keith Bryce, 26 – Hotty, rockin’ the George Michael scruff. Ditch the geek-cred glasses, they aint workin’.

 Korto Momolu, 33 – Hey, it’s Little Rock Arkansas’ own Jennifer Hudson.  Her name is Momolu, and she made a Mumu.

 Leanne Marshall, 27 – Her clothing line is called “The Animal”. Yeah right, little Miss Muffet. I will get her mixed up with Jennifer.

 Kenley Collins, 25 – When she was introduced I thought she said Headly. And that’s what I shall call her. Also – Parker Posey called, she wants her look back.

 Emily Brandle, 27 – Sad little French girl haircut.

 Daniel Feld, 25 – Wash, shave, cut your hair, get some sun, tone down the lipstick.

 Wesley Nault, 23 – He is a short-shorts wearing Mormon-looking twinky boy. When he walked in you could practically hear Blayne squeal.

Some of my favorite quotes from the night:

“Bring it on” (Joe) – Ok, Joe. You are not allowed to sat that unless you are Kirsten Dunst.

“That’s wack-a-doodle.” (Suede)

“<sniff>…<sniff>” (Blayne) – Hopefully ’cause of a cold, and not cocaine.

“You guys are a bunch of slackers.” (Tim) – Tim turns me on when he talks mean.

“It makes you want to vomit all over yourself.” (Cher’s sister). Me too, sister of Cher. Me too.

“Do I think it’s pretty? …NO.” (Michael Kors)

“That was just butt-ugly. That was horrible.” (Heidi)

Thoughts:

Heidi’s dresses were so short that all the designers could see Seal’s “world”.

Daniel was talking about how he loved birds. You know there’s gonna be some bird dress.

It was awesome to see Austin Scarlett. He seriously made the most beautiful dresses in the history of this show.

Wesley obviously hasn’t graduated to big boy pants yet.

Keith is trying to tell the world that he “is serious, guys” with his ugly glasses. Just take them off. You’re a hot quarterback who can design clothes. Own it. Live it. Use it.

Kelli won, deservedly. Her skirt looked like a million dollars. Her top looked like 3 cents, but…

Stella should have gone home instead of Jerry. I could have made a better trash bag dress than Stella.

_____

I am so happy to have this show on, and to flex my snarky comment muscles. More to come!

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5 Responses to Project Runway 5.1

  1. Sadie's Mama says:

    I noticed Blayne sniffing alot too….maybe he’s allergic to his spray tan? As much as I loved Christian’s “FIEEERRRCCCE” from last year….Blayne’s “Girlicious” is just not going to cut it. I wanted him to go home for his hideous diaper/unitard. Icky.

    It’ll be an interesting season….and I seriously didn’t even notice Wesley…until the end and I’m all, “Who’s that? What’s he doing up on the runway.” He was invisible to me.

  2. Sister says:

    Lazy trash bag lady really should have gone home…hopefully next week.

  3. Lara says:

    Is there anyone you DO like on this show? 🙂

  4. chris2fer says:

    Lara,
    Of course! I love them all. Remember, you hurt the ones you love the most.
    🙂

  5. Peg says:

    Where are the pics of the clothes? OMG…I am turning the pages and nuttin! I don’t have cable and I rely on you to help me through this.

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