On Being Gay

A serious moment.

Being gay, at least in the last decade, has just been something that I am. I rarely have to think about it anymore, as I live in a fairly tolerant state in a very welcoming city in an extremely loving neighborhood. However, several things have recently come up that make me realize that I want to have my voice heard on this polarizing and sometimes (most-times) divisive subject.

Recently two of my blog buddies tackled, at least tangentially, the very real issue of homosexuality versus Christianity. Then, a few weeks ago, I received an email from an old college friend congratulating me on my openness about my homosexuality. And last night I was considering a move to Canada, fearing what might happen to my personal freedom if John McCain and Sarah Palin were to be elected.

Just to clarify, these are my personal thoughts. However, they are based on actually being gay. They are based on “being in the trenches”, so to speak. They are based on having basically the same upbringing as my friends who have recently written about this subject, but looking at it from the other side of the coin. I am not a biblical scholar; there will be no verses quoted or theologians sited. Simply put, these are my own beliefs.

Although I would not now change my orientation, for many years it was something that I wished I could “fix”. I was tortured by the thought that who I naturally loved, who I was drawn to, was an abomination to God. I tried not thinking about being gay. I tried dating women. I tried to pray it away. After years of fighting it I became severely depressed. I was not being true to what I am. I was born a gay man. Once I came to terms with it, my life changed. I liked myself, for the first time in my life. And yes, I mean in my life. I have always been gay, although when I was a child it was not about sexuality. It was about being different than the other boys. It was about not totally fitting in. It was about faking interest in things I had no interest in, and making concessions in my heart to be accepted. Once I resolved to be true to who I was, I became an honest man.

Regarding Christianity, my thoughts boil down to this: I cannot and will not believe in a God who condemns me for who I love. Further, I don’t believe that God is who many people say that He is. I don’t believe that He is hateful. I don’t believe that He would condone hate speech, crimes, or violence. I don’t believe that He is glorified by what many do “in His name”. What do I believe? I believe that He has blessed me beyond measure. I am embarrassed by a surfeit of love. I have a great family, wonderful friends, and a committed and loving husband. I believe that my commitment to him was blessed by God. I believe that he has smiled upon our union, which is based in love. Love.

Which brings me to my last point. In my life I have been called many things. Fairy. Homo. Gay. Faggot. Queer. Bent. I have been made fun of, I have been pushed around, and I have been dismissed because I am gay. I have been the butt of jokes. I have put up with accidental slurs. I have been made uncomfortable because others do not value me enough to change their vocabulary. And I am here to tell you this. No matter what you have been told or taught, I am not perverted. I am not a rapist. I am not a stalker. I am not a pedophile. I am not a Satanist. I am not anti-Christian. I am not planning the dissolution of marriage for straight people. I am not planning a takeover of the government. I am not part of a giant secret gay agenda. I am simply a human being who loves. I am just like you, and I refuse to be dehumanized.

If God is Love, then I am nearer to God by honestly and truly Loving. If you believe that I have no right to that love, then perhaps you have the issue, not me.

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15 Responses to On Being Gay

  1. Sadie's Mama says:

    I agree!!! I have always felt anger when people hide behind their “christianity” to feel the freedom to condemn others….or be mean and hateful to others. I’ve met alot of mean, backstabbing “christians” which would seem to me to be more of an abomination to God than who one loves.

  2. Brenda M says:

    I’m so glad you wrote this!! I went through a deep depression in college days(leading to my eventually leaving school) because I was struggling with issues related to how I was raised(Christian) versus how I believed. I still feel like an outsider in my own family most of the time but I now am true to myself.

    Hugs 🙂

  3. Jessica says:

    your entry gave me chills. i’m jewish (and am about to marry my partner of almost eight years), and truly believe that G-d is love. and your union has been blessed by G-d. stay strong! there’s a lot of ppl out there who, like G-d, love you just the way you are…

  4. TracyMichele says:

    “And last night I was considering a move to Canada, fearing what might happen to my personal freedom if John McCain and Sarah Palin were to be elected.”

    -It’s funny because that is how I am feeling about having Obama elected. 😦

  5. chris2fer says:

    I hope you’ll forgive me, Tracy, if I disagree…

  6. Tara says:

    I don’t know what caused/prompted you to write this but I am glad that you did and are at peace with yourself! You truly are a beautiful person. I just wish that all people straight or Gay, black or white, could be as honest and comfortable with themselves as you just were!! And God IS Love, not Hate. You hit that nail right on the head.

  7. Julie says:

    Chris, this is by far the most beautiful thing I have read in a very long time…

  8. Kelly Lightcap says:

    Chris, you are a very courageous man. I applaud you, love you and say that I believe you are ALWAYS welcome in God’s family. Just as you are. I truly believe that.

  9. TracyMichele says:

    Of course I do, Chris. We have every right to disagree on some subjects. Being a homeschooling mom and given the history of homeschool petitions, I fear what might be down the pike for me in this area. I hope this leadership proves me wrong but the liberal and homeschooling movements rarely see eye-to-eye.

  10. chris2fer says:

    I didn’t know that, Tracy. What are the issues? I know very little about homeschooling…

    Sadie’s Mama, Brenda, Jessica, Tara, Julie, Kelly – thank you all for your kind words! Big hugs to you all.

  11. Jen Dow says:

    Chris, As I read this blog it makes me feel sad that you felt you had to write it. You taking the time to put this in writing goes to show what a wonderful person you are not only inside but outside as well! I believe that god loves us all as we are! Much love to you always xo

  12. Lara says:

    I appreciate that you have put your thoughts and the core of who you are out there. I too believe in a loving God who created us and loves us exactly how we are. I have many gay friends and am still learning how to “wrap my mind” around the issue, as a Christian, etc. I have always wanted to ask more questions, but never wanted to offend anyone with my curiousity. It’s hard to know where the line is sometimes. I imagine is was quite a struggle to go though all those years of trying to define yourself. You are brave and courageous for that. Thanks for posting this and allowing a chance for comments. It’s a sensitive topic to broach within a wide spectrum audience…
    p.s. There are other reasons I did not vote for Obama… but we are each entitled to our political views, which makes America a great place to live, and I respect your opinion. Take care!

  13. Christine says:

    I’ve never understand why someone’s sexuality is even an issue. Sexuality is a part of who you are, but it isn’t the sum of you and God loves you no matter what. I have one question that no one (at least not that I know of) has brought up. The bible says that God made us in his image, so then why are there men and women, white and black (and well as the rest of the rainbow), and gay and straight? Chew on that right-wing fundamentalist Christians.

  14. MOM says:

    Sorry, it’s taken me so long to read this. We couldn’t be prouder of you. We always knew you were a loving, tender, strong son and man. Now others know too.
    Love Mom and Dad

  15. Justin says:

    This is really nice. I admire your strength and courage. And like you, I believe that God is loving, not hateful like many portray Him to be. I’m really happy for you and your husband.

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