A serious moment.
Being gay, at least in the last decade, has just been something that I am. I rarely have to think about it anymore, as I live in a fairly tolerant state in a very welcoming city in an extremely loving neighborhood. However, several things have recently come up that make me realize that I want to have my voice heard on this polarizing and sometimes (most-times) divisive subject.
Recently two of my blog buddies tackled, at least tangentially, the very real issue of homosexuality versus Christianity. Then, a few weeks ago, I received an email from an old college friend congratulating me on my openness about my homosexuality. And last night I was considering a move to Canada, fearing what might happen to my personal freedom if John McCain and Sarah Palin were to be elected.
Just to clarify, these are my personal thoughts. However, they are based on actually being gay. They are based on “being in the trenches”, so to speak. They are based on having basically the same upbringing as my friends who have recently written about this subject, but looking at it from the other side of the coin. I am not a biblical scholar; there will be no verses quoted or theologians sited. Simply put, these are my own beliefs.
Although I would not now change my orientation, for many years it was something that I wished I could “fix”. I was tortured by the thought that who I naturally loved, who I was drawn to, was an abomination to God. I tried not thinking about being gay. I tried dating women. I tried to pray it away. After years of fighting it I became severely depressed. I was not being true to what I am. I was born a gay man. Once I came to terms with it, my life changed. I liked myself, for the first time in my life. And yes, I mean in my life. I have always been gay, although when I was a child it was not about sexuality. It was about being different than the other boys. It was about not totally fitting in. It was about faking interest in things I had no interest in, and making concessions in my heart to be accepted. Once I resolved to be true to who I was, I became an honest man.
Regarding Christianity, my thoughts boil down to this: I cannot and will not believe in a God who condemns me for who I love. Further, I don’t believe that God is who many people say that He is. I don’t believe that He is hateful. I don’t believe that He would condone hate speech, crimes, or violence. I don’t believe that He is glorified by what many do “in His name”. What do I believe? I believe that He has blessed me beyond measure. I am embarrassed by a surfeit of love. I have a great family, wonderful friends, and a committed and loving husband. I believe that my commitment to him was blessed by God. I believe that he has smiled upon our union, which is based in love. Love.
Which brings me to my last point. In my life I have been called many things. Fairy. Homo. Gay. Faggot. Queer. Bent. I have been made fun of, I have been pushed around, and I have been dismissed because I am gay. I have been the butt of jokes. I have put up with accidental slurs. I have been made uncomfortable because others do not value me enough to change their vocabulary. And I am here to tell you this. No matter what you have been told or taught, I am not perverted. I am not a rapist. I am not a stalker. I am not a pedophile. I am not a Satanist. I am not anti-Christian. I am not planning the dissolution of marriage for straight people. I am not planning a takeover of the government. I am not part of a giant secret gay agenda. I am simply a human being who loves. I am just like you, and I refuse to be dehumanized.
If God is Love, then I am nearer to God by honestly and truly Loving. If you believe that I have no right to that love, then perhaps you have the issue, not me.