Quentin? As in Tarrantino?

Ok?

So, this week was… Cinema week? Really? With Quentin Tarantino? Really? Huh. OK. Predictably, the kids just chose the songs that they wanted to, and then left it up to the production assistants to figure out if it had ever been in a movie. If not, then they quickly made an Indie movie and threw it in there.

Allison was first, with her shaky rendition of I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing. This was a strange arrangement. I was singing along at home (you too, don’t deny) and then suddenly you are singing the second verse and Allison is awkwardly gravelling onto the bridge. Plus, this song only makes me think of Ben Affleck. And not in a good, take off your shirt kinda way. Nope. In an “acting” way.

Anoop busted out the Bryan Adams, with the Robin-Hooded Anything I Do, I Do It For You. Wouldn’t it be better if they played clips of the movies behind the contestants during cinema week? We could have a brooding Kevin Costner giving us something to look at other than bland, boring ol’ Anoop. Here’s the thing: He has a great voice. He really does. He’s just so forgettable. If he didn’t have a cool name I would never remember him. Maybe by his eyebrows.

Adam came on the stage with the most stuffed pants I have ever seen. He musta had a drawer-full of socks in there. If not, congrats to his boyfriend! Also, he sang Born To Be Wild. He was awesome; he better win, screechy swoopy highnotes and all. I actually think he hit some notes that only Grady could hear.

Matt sat at the piano and sang another Bryan Adams song. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t like Bryan Adams. He must be popular with someone, right? Is it simply the Canadians? Anyway. I want to like Matt more than I do. How’s that for faint praise? He was just fine. If only the idols would read this blog, I could tell them the exact way to stay in the competition as long as they want to…

  1. Sing a song that 14 year old girls know.
  2. Shake it up a tiny bit so the judges start drooling all over themselves at your “creativity”.
  3. Start out slow and soft, gradually increase volume and tempo, and finish high and fast on a screechy note with the orchestra working up a sweat behind you. You’ll last till the finals, for sure.

You’re welcome, Idols.

The Goke sang Endless Love, one of my favorite songs. And guess what? He did exactly the above. Soft and quiet progressed to the orchestra sweating and the Goke yelling. Also – he wasn’t wearing his glasses. It was strange. Don’t change on us now, Goke! It will scare us and we may vote for someone else.

Kris sang some song that he made up the night before. It was boring. BORING. Plus, have you ever heard of it? See? This is one that had the production scrambling to find a movie, any movie that this had played it.

“So, you’re telling me that you used this song in your student film? Thank you, Mr. High School student in AP media class. You have saved America’s favorite pliable soon-to-maybe-be pop star.”

And lastly, Lil sang The Rose. When she was telling Quentin (shudder) that she was going to shake it up, make it more gospel in the middle, I was all Yes! Be like Jennifer H! Bring on the choir! Shake it, Lil! Shake It! But she didn’t. It was (once again) bland and boring. I loved that she was sassy to Simon, though.

I also loved that the judges were slapped on the wrist and not allowed to speak 4 at a time. Hee! You know what they should do? They should GET RID OF KARA. She stinks up that desk like week old cheese. Paula sounds all sage like, too. Maybe tell your writers that they should tone down the cerebral positivity that you’ve been spewing, Pauls. It sounds like you’re reading from a book. Maybe just Simon should speak, and the others can just shake their heads yes or no? I’m in with that.

 —-

And, last night? No eliminations. The judges saved Matt. All I have to say is “Eh”. 

ben-affleck-shirtless-gq

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