American Idol – The Top 5

Wha? WHAT?!?

OK, so that happened. You know what I mean. Really, America? You’re going to make me vote? …more on this later.

This week was “Songs of the Rat Pack” week, a theme which really worked well with our little singing friends. Shall I go over each person’s performance? I shall.

Kris sang The Way You Look Tonight. It sounded very nice. I know that many, many people love him, but to me he is just so cookie-cutter white-bread boring fundamentalist with a triangle smile and perfect hair and cute eyes and tight jeans and don’t think of sex and boring oh wait I already said that. He practically comes pre-wrapped in plastic, he is so packageable. That said, this was one of his better performances. Simon said it was wet. Ok? And ew.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Jamie Fox was the mentor. Why, again?

Allison sang Someone To Watch Over Me, and she was stunning. I feel like Pauls, always commenting on appearance, but Allison has visibly grown into a gorgeous woman on this show. Her performance was stellar and moving. I almost don’t want to see her go home. Almost.

Matt sang My Funny Valentine. This is one of my favorite songs of all time, so it was “kinda disappointing” (read: horrifying) that he picked it. Does this mean that I am at all like Matt? KHAAAAN!!!!! He could not find the melody with a bloodhound and a tracking chip and a spidey-tracer and a metal detector and any other findy thing. His melisma’s were miasmic. And you can quote me on that.

The Goke sang Come Rain Or Come Shine. He still looks like he is melting, and he smiles like he is dead inside, but damn, he sang the heck outta this song. Oh, the Goke. Why do you taunt me with your talent?

And finally, Lady Lamby sang Feeling Good. It started all Buble, but then it went straight to Broadway. Yay! The hairs on my arm stood up when he screeched that long note at the end. Grady just about pooped himself when he heard it. His little head was waving back and forth and his ears were windmilling all around. Poor little guy. Thanks for traumatizing my puppy, mAdam!

This is a tough one – they really were all fairly good. Oh, who am I fooling – Matt and Allison in the bottom two, Matt heading home.


Hello, results night! Hello Ryan! Doesn’t it look like Ryan is getting shorter and shorter as the weeks go bye? He’s so slight and tiny! He could fit in your pocket. I’m just saying.

So, Taylor Hicks was there. Blah.

Jamie Fox “sang” too. Except he sang into a vocorder and it robotized all his vocals and it was crappy. How was his album double platinum? It made me sad because he had a pretty good voice (Ray, Dreamgirls). His final interview with Ryan made me realize – ew. He was not blessed with the Wayan’s brothers good looks. Thank god he can sing. Kinda.

Ok, so Matt is in the bottom three. Duh. And Kris? Really? I guess his legion of Mormon followers felt safe and didn’t vote. Strange. And who is the third? ADAM? Whu?

The Hubby thinks that this is a ploy by the producers to “shake things up”. I certainly hope so. Although there has never been a season with more talent, there has also never been a contestant who should so totally win more than anyone else. I mean, his vocal ability dwarfs (dwarves?) everyone else’s .

Next, Kris sits down. WHU X2? Adam is in the bottom 2? I just don’t believe it. Lies! Stupid TV. Adam is just looking at the camera and smiling his sweet little side smile of all knowingness. Ah, Adam. Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Do you know?

Matt goes home. Which is good for the producers of this show, since if Adam left I personally know 3 or 4 people who would fly to Hollywood and kick them in the groinal area.

Sorry, Matt! Any other season you would have a chance to win it all! Back to the piano bar with you!



Hee. It musta been 80’s night. Guess who?

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