American Idol Finale 2009

Incoherent Sputtering…

Last night was the finale of American Idol 2009. Every year, when I start watching Idol in January, I think about how nice the weather is gonna be when the finale is on. It keeps me going through the dullsville that is late Winter. And look! Record high temps today! …Oh, right. The show. Well, it was a concert, definitely. A concert where someone figuratively poops on you at the end of the show.

The top 13 (?) started off the show with “So What”, by Pink. I think I have now heard this song on every show I have watched this year. They did it on Dancing with the Stars. They sang it as a group number on ANTM. Matt Lauer sang it on the Today Show. The Losties played it in 1977 Darmaville. Anyway, the kids sounded really good, actually. I think that the producers have the recorded and live-voice mix down pat now, after that kerfuffle a few weeks back. They were all dressed in white, to show how angelic they are.

David Cook was there, and he sang. I went to the kitchen. Nuff said.

Nick Mitchell aka Norman Gentle won the most outlandish gay man who tried out for Idol, or somesuchthing. You know? I like him. He makes me smile with his foppish ways and his onstage aneurisms. Hee.

Lil Rounds and Latifah came out and sang “Cue The Rain”. Surprisingly, I really liked the song. It’s got a great chorus that makes you want to sing along. Mad high fives go to Latif for eschewing public decorum and wearing a skin tight figure hugging cat suit. She didn’t even try for a wrap skirt or anything. Ya-Bam! Latif Works It Out! Latif!

Jason Mraz came on next. I love him. Although my love dimmed a little when he came out without shoes on, ’cause ew, plus unsanitary. He sang I’m Yours with Anoop, and then all the top 13 (?) stood off to the sides and did some counterpoint with the chorus and the verses. I loved it.

Not-Adam then sang with Nicole Kidman’s husband. I went to the bathroom.

The idol gals came out and sang Glamorous (Floussy? Flossy? Flouncy? I never know…) and to introduce Fergie, then the Black Eyed Peas. Um. Fergie has a bangin’ bod. I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

Bikini Girl from the beginning of the season came on to show off her new boobs, and Ryan valiantly held down his puke about her near nakedness, and then he kissed her and it was sadder than when Michael kissed Priscilla. Then, BG “sang” Vision of Love, but Kara came out from behind a giant floating prop and showed her how to do it better, and then KARA RIPPED OFF HER DRESS AND SHOWED HER BRA AND PANTIES. Bikini Girl, you have been served. Kara, because of your awesome use of stripperness, you have won my heart. Nice abs, btw.

Allison and Cyndi sand Time After Time. Cyndi was playing that lap guitar thing that she has done for 20 years. All I could think was that Cyndi must be so, so tired of singing that song.

The Goke sang with Lionel next. First the Goke started with Hello, one of my all time favorite songs. Then, Lionel came on and they duetted on some new piece of crap, and then segued into All Night Long. Wee! Awesome! I imagined how cool it would have been had The Goke been in the final 2.

Then, Adam came on stage and he was wearing some amazing outfit with giant wire epaulettes and he was all glittery and was wearing 10 inch platforms and I thought how excellent that he is finally being true to his real self, and then Kiss came down from the ceiling and they sang together, and it was perfect and it was inspired and it was the best of the night. Why yes, Adam. I do want to Rock ‘N Roll All Night. Hello Gene!

Carlos Santana came on and played guitar, and then Adam and Not-Adam did a surprisingly pretty song in the Ford commercial. Aw. They really do like each other.

Then, the boys get new Fords. They try to act surprised, but come on. We’ve seen this for what, 7 years now? They always get a car. It’s payment for being in those horrid commercials.

Steve Martin came on, and he played guitar while the weird squeaky one and the country one sang along. It was strange and out of place. Steve wasn’t even miked, so when Seacrest chatted with him it was rather one sided. “Hi Steve!” …”mrfle”

Rod Stewart then tottered onto the stage. Wowzers. Roddy is looking oldish. I bet he smelled of moth balls and stale urine. Hmm.

You know, for a show that is basically run and funded for 13 year old girls, they hired some old talent on here. Latifah is 39, Cyndi is 55, Lionel and Gene are 59, and Rod is 64. Way to keep to that demographic, talent organizers.

 Oh thanks be to the Lord, Tatiana makes an appearance. HI TATIANA! CALL ME, YOU CRAZY FREAK!

Adam and Not-Adam then started singing together, and by the time I realized what the song was Queen appeared on stage. Yes. This is perfect. You know that they were there for Adam! This would be the perfect gig for him. He should take Freddie’s place. Not that anyone could replace Freddie, but Adam could revive that band. Sigh. Maybe someday. Too bad Adam is gonna be stuck with this American Idol recording contract when he wins this.

Wait, what? Not-Adam won? Huh. I did appreciate when he said that he didn’t deserve it, and that Adam should have won.

Yes. Yes he should have.

PS – This means that we get Adam’s album sooner!

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3 Responses to American Idol Finale 2009

  1. Cynthia says:

    How did this happen people? I thought Adam had this in the bag….Oh….my heart hurts!

  2. Dorothy says:

    I can’t believe it either! But Adam doesn’t need to win to be a star-he’ll do fine!

  3. Lisa says:

    Oh Chris,

    So mad I cried…but, the boys were on Larry King live last night and ADAM confirmed that he will be doing an album with QUEEN….you get your wish, they asked him, he said yes….he will be doing is own too, but will doing some touring and an album for QUEEN….Love you ADAM!!!!

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