News from the front…
Yesterday morning I tumbled outta bed and stumbled to the kitchen to be greeted by The Hubby, who had been up for what looked to be hours. It was the 4th day of my 4 day weekend, and I had slept in until 7:30 (a veritable orgy of sleep for me). The Hub looked a tish the worse for wear. Why, asked I?
He recounted to me his morning battle. Upon entering the kitchen that morning he was ambushed by ants (a heretofore absent pest at Chez Chris2fer) who tripped him and then started attacking him as soon as he fell from their trip wires and war scaffolding. Thinking quickly, and realizing that he had the definite size advantage (if not the strength of numbers or passion of the numerous anty war chants) Hub struggled to his feet and started squashing. He squashed like Wellington squashed Napoleon. He squashed like an elephant squashes a mouse. He squashed like middle age squashes your hopes.
Then, he rummaged in the bowels of our undersink and came up with a can of RAID. He started spraying, ant bodies flying everywhere like shrapnel in Saving Private Ryan, and just as gory. The death toll numbered in the dozens. Dozens, I tell you. Even at the time of the story telling, I could hear the soft keening of the ant wives and children wondering when they were going to hear the soft knock on the door to deliver the dreaded telegram of death. Hub staggered up the stairs to shower the scent of war off of his skin.
After he went to work, I went to the Home Depot and emptied it of every kind of ant disposal system that you can buy. I placed traps all around the outside of our house, a kind of chemical force field to keep new ants out. Then, I put them on all our basement windows and ledges. I hid them in the kitchen. (Calm yourself – none are where Grady can get to them.) I sprayed soft clouds of death in all the darkest corners. Our house is a nuclear wasteland for pests.
This morning I woke and ran downstairs to see if all of it had worked. I found dazed and wobbly ants sadly gasping out their last breath on our kitchen counter, and a couple on the floor. I started swiping them away. I killed many (hopefully less than yesterday) but the battle continues.
Hub is home now, gun on shoulder, killing and waiting.
We shall overcome.