The Spider of the Sea!
As promised, here is how to peel and eat the wily sea spider, as shown to you by the lovely hands of Coreyander.
Hello. I am a Sea Spider. I like to wear sweat bands on my wrists when I work out to keep my claws dry. I can see you with my beady little demon eye.
First Corey gleefully rips the claws off the spider. At this point you can hear the soft screams of the spider, but don’t worry. It will soon not have the strength to make any sound.
Next Corey tears the thumbs off the claws. This is the same move that she uses when confronting unruly Republicans.
Using a small pick, Corey deftly extracts the succulent thumb meat from the little part of the claw. The spider sits and waits patiently to be devoured.
Corey shows the beautiful innards of the spider. The excess spider blood has spilled out of the body cavity, soaking the tray. Also – the color of the spider poop is green. Some people call this green goop tamale and eat it as a delicacy, to which I say: You are eating giant spider poop. Stop it you freaks.
Here, Corey’s delicate hands remove the tail meat in one swift gesture. This takes practice to avoid the last thrashings of the spider’s death throes.
Corey has submerged the meat into this thimble of butter. It may seem like a lot of work for such a small harvest, but half of the fun is in watching the spider be dismembered.
This was my drink. It tastes like Old Person. Not recommended.
And that’s that. Corey and I said a quick prayer over the corpse and hoped that his little red ghost wouldn’t haunt us until the end of days.