No, not the crappy movie…
Since this is the 25th and final year of the Oprah show, and whereas she has promised it to be the biggest and best year ever, I started DVRing her every day. I don’t want to miss when she gives away trips to Australia, or cars, or houses, or castles, or small countries. Now, there have been a couple of blah episodes, but on October 5th Oprah DELIVERED.
Who? Who did Oprah deliver? Why, Martha Stewart. Yes, the hostess of hostesses, the doyen of design, the one and only. A full hour dedicated to Martha. And Oprah’s shenanigans in dealing with her. Thoughts:
Oprah started the show complaining about how they had to smarten up the green room ’cause Martha was coming, putting out silverware and napkins and nice plates, etc. She complained that her staff all dressed up to impress Martha. I’m fairly sure she was just pissed that they don’t treat her as well as they were treating Martha. Well, O, it showed. PS – Martha mentioned how nice the silverware was. Oprah ignored the comment.
Oprah immediately got into Martha’s prison stint. Martha was obviously uncomfortable and started to say that all of that was in the past, but Oprah wouldn’t shut up about it, so Martha gamely played along. She mentioned how she had many guests, except Oprah, who was probably just too busy. Oprah was NOT AMUSED. She glared into the camera forcing us to a commercial.
Oprah mentioned how Martha’s best friend betrayed her by testifying against her in court. Oprah said that it would be world shattering if Gail did that to her. Martha, very composed, said that No, you just can’t let it be world shattering. You have to move on. She had a Oprah moment, for Oprah. Oprah, once again, ignored it.
Oprah mentioned that she would be terrified to have Martha over for dinner, thinking that she would judge everything all evening long. Martha fell over herself saying that she is not that way, she does not judge, she is thankful for everything. She made a plea to her friends to please invite her over for dinner, and don’t be scared. It was actually poignant, thinking about Martha sitting home every friday night, silently wishing that someone would invite her over for a drink, making craft after craft to pass the time.
Oprah and Martha made grilled cheese sandwiches. Martha likes sage and apple in hers. Oprah likes bacon and tomato and hot sauce. As Martha is adding the hot sauce to Oprah’s sandwich, Oprah keeps egging her on, asking her to add more and more, prompting Martha to say “Well, you like an awful lot of cha-cha-cha!”. Hee.
Next, Martha showed us her home in Maine, called Skylands. It is gorgeous, of course. It is a pink granite mansion in the woods, next to the water. It is the Hub’s and my dream house. He wants to live near the water, I want to live in the forest. A wooded island would be prefect! She decorates with local mosses and has a flower arranging room. She also has the staff from her show up to be servants for the weekend. I can’t image what that employment agreement looks like. They were making Maine crab salad with lemony mayonnaise. Mmm.
M & O then did crafts. Oprah was openly mocking why anyone would deign to craft. She has people for that, you know. Martha was so excited about her crafting tools that it made me excited. I kinda love Martha.
In a battle of PR, Martha won this match. As much as I think that Oprah is a great person who has changed the world for the better and reading and African schools and such, Martha seemed so much more personable and relatable and normal. Although they are both billionaires, Martha still knows what is actually important, whereas Oprah is a little out of touch. I guess prison sets your priorities straight.
So, Martha – you can come to my house for cocktails and dinner anytime you are passing through Portland on your way to Skylands. I’m not worried about you judging. We can craft the evening away!